


We're here to stay

by Frenchibi



Series: Heavy Stones Fear no Weather [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, College AU, Established Relationship, Everything is new and kind of awkward, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, I worked on this for WEEKS, I'm kidding, M/M, Multi, New day new ship! xD, Nicknames, Oikawa is super insecure, What else is new, the beginnings, there might be more from this AU because I am deep in this hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8179252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frenchibi/pseuds/Frenchibi
Summary: Hajime peers at him over the papers he's now holding, a questioning look on his face. "...you alright?" he asks, without any niceties because that's how they've been trying to be, straight to the point, no confusion."Just fine," Tooru says and grins. He swallows the Iwa-chan that would have followed, but he's pretty sure no one noticed. Except maybe Keiji, who is looking at him all funny again....in which everything is new, no one is really sure of anything, and Tooru is afraid of screwing everything up.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thunderingskies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/gifts).



> ...you knew this was gonna be for you didn't you x'D  
> This fic is CJ's fault because she encouraged my ideas. Blame her. ( ~~Thank you.~~ )
> 
> Also there is going to be more from this AU - I was gonna make a huge fic but I'm way too impatient, so you're gonna get a bunch of related oneshots. Sorry x'D
> 
> I literally spent 3 hours looking for a title and now that I'm re-reading this I'm not even sure I like it anymore *screams* I apologize in advance if I come back at ungodly hours to change a few sentences.  
> For now I hope you like this!

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take long to adjust to the change from being two separate couples to a relationship with four people.

At first Tooru is a little worried that it might be weird, for a multitude of reasons.

Of course he’s used to Kou by now and knows how to handle his moods, having dated him for quite some time, and Hajime… well, considering that he’s probably been in love with Hajime all his life, the switch there was relatively easy (although he still marvels, at times, that this is okay now, that his Iwa-chan likes him that way too, that he _wants_ him that way too) - but Tooru is considerably worried about Akaashi.

Is he intruding there, because it seems like Akaashi has been in love with Kou for a quite some time as well? Does Akaashi see him as a threat, since Tooru knows Hajime inside out and he loved him long before he even met the former Fukurodani setter? And it seems like they don’t have that much in common, really, except for their position in volleyball and their affection for the other two - and maybe a shared love of makeup. (And Tooru is not intimidated by his skill at all, in that respect. Nuh-uh.)

He can’t seem to figure Akaashi out at first, and tries not to dwell on the fact that he’s making things awkward for all of them by overthinking so much, but it bothers him. He tries to talk to Hajime about it, but he isn’t sure how or where to start, so he holds his tongue.

He lasts almost two weeks, passing his nerves off to the others as stress from exams, and they seem satisfied with that explanation - but it’s not long before he inevitably slips.

They’re sitting in his and Kou’s dorm room; Kou on the bed with Hajime, who is trying to explain their latest physics lecture to him with varying degrees of success, and Tooru and Akaashi on the floor, each immersed in their own reading assignments. Akaashi is eyeing him over the top of his book, and Tooru _knows_ that he’s staring, but he can’t seem to stop. It’s almost like some part of him hopes that if he stares long and hard enough at Akaashi’s head, he’ll be able to see his thoughts. 

The harder he tries to look away, the more fixated he seems to become, though, and Akaashi’s eyebrows lift upwards a fraction in some sort of bemused confusion. Then he closes his book, marking the page with, as far as Tooru can tell, a postcard from someplace snowy, and getting to his feet.

“I’m gonna go see if I can organize us some dinner,” he announces, and Kou perks up where he sits, notes temporarily forgotten as a wide smile stretches across his face.

“Ooh, bring some gummy bears, Keiji!”

Akaashi rolls his eyes at him. “I was thinking about _proper_ food, Bok- uh, Koutarou,” he corrects himself quickly, seeing how Kou’s face falls at the sound of his last name. As far as Tooru has gathered, Akaashi isn’t one to drop honorifics very quickly, even with the people he’s closest to. He tries not to think too much of it when Akaashi turns to him next and says: “Do you want to come with me, Oikawa?”

“You can call me Tooru, Keiji-chan,” he says, trying to sound light and bubbly and earning a glare from Hajime, who thankfully refrains from saying anything - which allows Tooru to focus on the actual question Akaashi has asked him.

“...and I’m not quite done with this file yet, so maybe you want to go on ahead-”

“You need to take breaks too, Tooru. You’re pushing yourself too hard,” Akaashi says smoothly. “Besides, I can’t carry food for four people by myself. Come on.”  
Tooru wants to argue, but something about the way Akaashi is looking at him makes him change his mind.

“Alright,” he says, and folds his laptop closed. Hajime leans back a little and turns his attention back to Kou, evidently satisfied with the outcome. Tooru wonders briefly if Hajime had seen through him again - he always seems to, somehow - but pushes the thought away. He can go and get food with Akaashi. It’s not weird, unless he lets it be.

They leave the room, Akaashi holding the door for him and closing it behind them, and as soon as it clicks into place, he lets out a long breath that seems almost like a sigh.

“...are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” he asks, and Tooru tenses up immediately.

“What do you mean, Keiji-cha-”

“You don’t have to pretend. If- we’re supposed to be dating, right? That only works if we trust each other. And I know you seem to have some sort of issue with me. I figure we should work that out, for everyone’s sakes.”

Tooru observes his face for a moment. It seems impassive, but he feels like he’s catching glimpses of something underneath, something like… worry? He’s not sure if that’s it, but it prompts him to drop the act almost instantly.

“I wanna be honest with you,” he says, and his voice feels quieter, less forceful than he’s used to. Weaker. More vulnerable.

A hint of surprise and relief rushes across Akaashi’s expression, and he lets out a breath. “Please.”

“This whole… relationship is new for all of us, but- I don’t know. I know Kou-chan by now, and I’ve known Iwa-chan all my life, but- I feel… I feel like I don’t really understand you that well yet? So I’m not- not sure how to do this right. I don’t want to make it weird for you, just-”

He’s at a loss to explain exactly what he means, but Akaashi is nodding and he closes his mouth thankfully.

“I think I get that. I’m… not sure I understand you either, Oikawa.” Akaashi folds his hands together and looks down at them for a moment, pensive, before he catches Tooru’s gaze again. “I want to, though.”

Tooru nods, relieved. “Me, too.”

Akaashi smiles, hesitates for a moment and then holds out his hand.

“Alright, then. Let’s… let’s go get some food for the others.”

As Tooru lets him lace their fingers together, he feels a smile tugging at his own lips. Maybe he shouldn’t have worried so much. They can figure this out.

~~~

Since it’s still relatively warm, they decide to go to the nearest convenience store and buy ingredients for sandwiches - it feels like the best and easiest plan for that day, and they both agree that Hajime and Kou probably won’t mind either way. At the register, Akaashi tells him to wait for a second and disappears back into one of the aisles, and when he comes back he’s holding two bags of gummy bears.

Tooru raises his eyebrows at him, and Akaashi just smiles. “You know he’ll get super excited about these.”

There’s a softness in his eyes now that Tooru doesn’t think he’s really caught like this before, up close, and it makes his heart stutter a little.

“Anything you think Iwa-chan might want? Or you?”

Something irritates him about this. Tooru blinks himself out of his thoughts and considers for a moment. “Iwa-chan prefers salty snacks,” he says, “but I think we still have some. I’m good with a few of those gummy bears, I think.”

Akaashi nods, and starts piling the rest of the things he’s carrying onto the belt. Tooru pulls out his wallet, but Akaashi waves him off and says “This one’s on me.”

When Tooru opens his mouth to protest, Akaashi gives him a sharp look. “Don’t fight me on this, Oikawa.”

Tooru pouts a little and crosses his arms. “Fine. On one condition.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“...you really stop calling me Oikawa.”

Akaashi blinks, taken aback, but then he laughs, a short burst of sound that catches Tooru off guard. “Ah. Sorry about that. It’s a habit, I guess. I’ll try to keep it in mind.”

Tooru nods, feeling himself unclench already.

“You’d better, Keiji-chan.”

~~~

It gets easier after that. Tooru is quicker to relax around Akaashi - Keiji, he reminds himself, determined to get the feeling right - and Keiji seems a lot more comfortable with him as well. They ease into conversations with each other, and Tooru finds that they have a lot more in common than he originally thought. And the more he learns about Keiji, the more he realizes that yes, shit, he really likes him too.

Keiji isn’t as loud as Kou or as direct and brash as Hajime can be sometimes, but Tooru quickly realizes that Keiji is probably more observant than all three of them put together. And he’s actually really funny when given the chance - his dry sense of humor takes Tooru by surprise the first few times, and he finds himself laughing out loud in the middle of class at a text in their group chat (which totally gets him in trouble, but it’s fucking worth it). He starts to really appreciate Keiji’s presence more and more, because there’s so much more to him than he first thought.

The moment they really click, though, is when Keiji comes to pick him and Kou up in the morning and Tooru is still struggling with his makeup (there are just these days where nothing seems to work), and instead of making fun of him, Keiji swiftly steps inside, takes Tooru’s eyeliner from his hands and says “let me.”

Needless to say, Tooru almost squeals when he sees his face after Keiji is done with him (after Tooru reluctantly agrees to let him handle the eyeshadow as well), and then proceeds to crush him in a hug that knocks the breath right out of him.

“Ohmygod, you’re _amazing_ , Keiji-chan! I look so great?!”

Keiji laughs as best he can and tries to pull away, but Tooru isn’t quite done squeezing him yet.

“Yeah? I thought that color would suit you-”

“You’re _hired_! Teach me! _Teach me!_ ”

He’s so loud about it that Kou pokes his head into the bathroom to see what all the fuss is about, and he abruptly stops in his tracks when he sees Tooru’s face.

“Holy shit, you’re _gorgeous_ ,” he says, not without awe, and proceeds to whip out his phone and take a picture to send to Hajime (and to a bunch of other people, to brag about his boyfriends, but he’s not gonna mention that just yet). Tooru blushes, and Keiji gives him a satisfied smile.

“...thank you, Kei-chan,” he says, and loosens his grip a little to let him breathe. Keiji huffs - whether it’s at the new nickname or the honesty in his voice, Tooru isn’t sure - and gives him the tiniest squeeze before he pulls away, leaving Tooru feeling warm and strangely elated.

“No problem, Tooru,” he says. “I’m glad you like it.”

He loves how easily his name flows from Keiji’s lips, loves the way it sounds in his voice, and feels his heart swell under his gaze. And from then on, it’s like the distance between them shrinks to something nonexistent.

Tooru gets accustomed to Keiji’s presence, welcomes it, revels in it. He wonders how he could have ever been unsure about this before.

He catches Hajime watching them a couple of times with an unreadable expression on his face, but when he confronts him about it, all he says is: “I’m glad things are working out,” and that’s enough for now. They’re figuring it out.

Everything feels fine - that is, until Tooru notices another thing that bugs him, and it’s not as easily settled as his Keiji-related nervousness.

~~~

It starts about two months into their relationship. They’re relatively comfortable, close, and Tooru really doesn’t want to be the one to bring up another problem, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore.

They’re in the cafeteria, in their usual spot in the corner, and Kou is gushing over the results of his last test (one that Hajime helped him study for, as has become their routine) as they wait for Hajime to arrive. He’s one of the unlucky students in a class that extends into the usual lunch break period.

Keiji is watching Kou with an amused half-smile on his face, used to his loud and enthusiastic behavior. Tooru watches them both, pushing his leftover food around on his plate absent-mindedly as he half-listens to what Kou is saying.

He’s ripped out of his thoughts when Kou jumps up in his seat, startling him, and his entire face lights up.

"Iwa-chan!" he yells, waving his arms excitedly. "Iwa-chan, over here!"

There's a couple of exasperated chuckles, but other than that, the other students in the cafeteria don't pay them any mind. They're used to Kou's yelling by now. Tooru is still unsettled though, somehow, and grips the hem of his own shirt under the table. He can feel Keiji watching him, but the other setter refrains from commenting.

Hajime reaches them then, with a tired smile and a wave. "Hey."

"Hi, Iwa-chan," Keiji says evenly - but even so, Hajime blushes a little. Tooru squirms.

"Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, look at this," Kou says, waving a bunch of papers in Hajime's face. "My test results!"

"Oh, show me!" - and just like that, Tooru feels like melting into his chair and disappearing.

Hajime peers at him over the papers he's now holding, a questioning look on his face. "...you alright?" he asks, without any niceties because that's how they've been trying to be, straight to the point, no confusion, especially after the initial awkwardness between Tooru and Keiji.

"Just fine," Tooru says and grins. He swallows the _Iwa-chan_ that would have followed, but he's pretty sure no one noticed. Except maybe Keiji, who is looking at him all funny again. Tooru doesn't acknowledge it, he pretends not to see.

"You sure?"

It's Kou this time, and there's concern in his eyes.

Tooru nods, not trusting his voice.

Hajime puts down the papers, disregarding the fact that he hasn't even reached the second page yet. "Tooru," he says, leaning across the table.

"Tooru, what's-"

But it's Keiji who saves him, who intervenes even though it's already a little too late - there are already tears in Tooru's eyes when he shushes the other two. "Not here, guys. Let's go home. C'mon."

Tooru tries to stifle a sob, but he's not very good at it. Keiji is out of his seat remarkably fast, bag slung over his shoulder, and an arm wrapping around Tooru's waist.

“Not here,” he repeats, “we’re going home.”

~~~

Home is a place that varies these days - they spend a lot of time in Tooru and Kou’s shared dorm room, and the occasional evening at Hajime’s when his roommates are out. That’s also where Keiji is taking them now, apparently, but Tooru is too stressed to really care or notice.

He already regrets letting it get this far - of course he couldn’t hide that he was upset, not for long, but he’d really hoped they wouldn’t confront him about it right away. This isn’t their fault, it’s his. It’s his stupid problem to deal with. They aren’t doing anything wrong.

But having three concerned gazes locked on him somehow makes him weak. He barely makes it through the door before his knees give way and he sinks to the ground, already feeling tears on his cheeks.

He feels terrible, and that's not helping with the crying, not at all. The other three sit with him on the floor in the small living area, somehow fitting in the space between the worn-down couch and the old TV, concern on all their faces. Tooru hates it.

"Tooru-"

It's Hajime - of course it is - who breaks first, who can't watch him suffer by himself any longer. "Tooru, you need to talk to us. Tell us what's wrong."

Tooru shakes his head, but Hajime has never been one to let that deter him. He looks like he's hesitating for a moment, struggling, assessing before he moves in and puts his arms around Tooru with a kind of fierce determination.

"We care about you, To. I care about you. We want to help."

And oh, that hurts. Because he doesn’t really deserve this, not really, not when he’s so upset over something so _dumb_ -

"It's... it's stupid, really," he says, and he laughs weakly, as if that could make everything seem less drastic now, after the crying has ebbed away a little.

Keiji shakes his head. "It can't be."

Kou nods, and the worry in his eyes is painfully obvious. Hajime doesn't look at either of them - his gaze is fixed on Tooru. He’s breaking him open just with his eyes - Tooru isn’t sure when he gave Hajime this much power over him, but he’s so, so weak against him now.

"It's... I don't want to ask you this, because it's stupid and I'm overreacting, like always, and I just-"

"Tooru," Hajime says, and it's soft, but it leaves no room for discussion. "It clearly matters, whatever it is. If it matters enough to make you this upset, it matters to all of us."

Koutarou puts a hand on Tooru's knee, squeezing lightly. He looks even more worried than Hajime - he isn’t used to seeing Tooru weak and small, because of course Tooru made an effort to be a good boyfriend to him and didn’t let on when he was feeling bad. It takes him ages to trust people that way, and Kou had his own struggles to deal with. And, well. Hajime has years more experience with Tooru’s moods, anyway. "Iwa-chan's right. Of course it ma-"

"That," Tooru interrupts, and he already feels himself growing frustrated again. "I just really want-"

And he stops, because anger isn't the right way to go at this, and he already hates himself for getting worked up again, especially at Kou. "I wish you'd stop that."

Koutarou blinks, and then he shrinks back in an instant, withdrawing his hand and pulling away, eyes wide. "D-did I-"

Tooru's eyes widen as well, and he immediately regrets his words. "No, no, Kou, that's not- I didn't mean-"

He sighs, feeling drained all of a sudden, empty, powerless.

"Forget it," he says quietly. "It's not you, at all. I'm the one who's... who's making a big deal out of this. Forget it."

This time, though, it's Keiji who reaches out, gripping his arm.

"Tooru."

It's just his name, nothing more, but something in Keiji's gaze makes Tooru stop in his tracks.

"I'm-"

"Would you be more comfortable talking to Iw- Hajime alone first?" he asks, voice impassive and his face not betraying a hint of emotion. It feels like maybe he knows more than he’s letting on.

Koutarou, on the other hand, looks like a kicked puppy, and guilt twists Tooru’s insides so hard it’s physically painful.

"Wh-"

But Keiji gives Kou a sharp look, and that shuts him up instantly. "This isn't about us," he says. "It's about what Tooru wants." He turns back to Tooru, still waiting for an answer. Suddenly, Tooru can't seem to look him in the eye anymore.

"...m-maybe," he allows, even though the honest answer right now is _yes_ , and he hates himself for even thinking it. He's supposed to love all of them, right? And he does, he does, but why does he have to keep reminding himself of that? Why can't it be as easy and effortless as everyone seems to think love should be? Why-

"Okay," Keiji says. Simple as that.

Tooru stares as Keiji gets to his feet, reaching to pull Kou up with him.

"We'll be in the other room, okay? When you're ready to talk to us, just let us know. We'll wait."

Tooru must look uncomfortable, because Keiji slips into a soft smile at the sight of his expression and says: "Even if it's not today, Tooru. We'll wait for you."

He feels his eyes beginning to water again, because he doesn't _deserve_ this - so he just nods, not trusting his voice.

Hajime, who hasn't said anything, choosing to watch instead of taking immediate action, reaches up and catches Keiji's arm.

"Thank you," he says. Koutarou lets out a small whimper, and there are already tears on his face. He's not taking this well, not at all. Tooru feels enough guilt that it's threatening to consume him, clawing him open until he bleeds.

"Of course," Keiji says, with strong certainty in his voice. He squeezes Kou's fingers and pulls him away, quiet but determined.

The door to the bedroom closes behind them, and Tooru sags a little, his breath leaving him in a shaky gasp as fresh tears start spilling from his eyes.

"I hurt them," he whispers. "I hurt them, Iwa-chan."

Hajime moves in closer, wrapping his arms around Tooru immediately and pulling him to his chest.

"They're strong," he whispers. "It's okay, Tooru. It's okay. No one said this would be easy. We can figure this out, okay? D'you think... think you can tell me what's been bothering you?"

Tooru swallows, but then he nods. Hajime puts him at ease like no one ever could - probably because he's known Tooru his entire life, and he's been through everything with him that made him who he is today.

"It's... the name," he says quietly.

"...? The name?"

"Iwa-chan," Tooru breathes. "They call you... they call you _Iwa-chan._ "

Hajime blinks, pulling away a little so their gazes can meet. Tooru can see a hint of incredulity in his expression, but he doesn't voice it once he sees that Tooru is serious.

"...that bothers you?" he asks quietly.

Tooru looks down, and he folds his hands in his lap. Hajime is right, of course.

"...it shouldn't, right? Because... cause it's the four of us now, no one closer, just- just us. But I can't help it...? Every time one of them- if Keiji or Kou say it, it... feels wrong. That name is... it's not..."

"...not theirs to use?" Hajime supplies carefully.

Tooru nods, aware that it sounds stupid and childish and wrong.

Hajime gives him a long look, and Tooru can only imagine what's going on inside his head right now. He probably regrets ever agreeing to any of this. He probably thinks Tooru is dumb, dishonest, weak and ridiculous. He's probably thinking about how much easier it could be if he were just together with Keiji and Kou-

A soft sound jerks Tooru out of his thoughts, and it's so unexpected it almost makes him jump.

Hajime is laughing, and it's sheepish and relieved and happy all at the same time. And then he's pulling Tooru in again, wrapping his arms around him, holding him close.

"Oh, thank God," he says, relief seeping into his voice, making it bubbly and light. "God, you really had me worried for a second there."

Tooru goes limp in his arms, too surprised to really react. “Iwa-ch-”

"...I think I get it. I'm always... it's strange to hear them call me 'Iwa-chan', if I'm totally honest."

It’s like the words bounce off every wall, echoing inside his head. Tooru stares, eyes wide and mouth slack.

"I mean... that's our thing, isn't it?" Hajime continues. "It has... history, and there's things attached to it that they don't know. Right?"

Tooru has never felt this relieved in his entire life. His heartbeat is still skyrocketing, but he's managed to breathe properly again, in an attempt to calm down.

"...exactly," he manages, and he’s almost shaking. Oh, he should have told Hajime this from the start. If anyone were to understand, it'd be him, of course.

Hajime leans in and kisses him, quick and full of feeling.

"I was so scared just then, not gonna lie. I thought you might- you'd want to break up with them, or something."

The mere thought makes Tooru tense all over.

"What? No, no! I love them," he says seriously. "I love them so much! I just... I feel terrible about this, because of course I don't own that name, and anyone could use it, just..."

He looks at his hands again, twisting his fingers together. "Just. It feels wrong, if they say it. You used to... get angry at anyone who called you that, back in High School." The memories of the many, many times Hajime had told someone off for using that name are still so vivid in Tooru’s mind, because it always made him feel… strangely proud, and happy.

Hajime nods, and starts threading his fingers through Tooru's hair.

"Yeah, I remember. I guess I just... accepted that it was a... a relationship-thing? I should have realized that that's different."

The touch is calming, even more so than Tooru might have expected. He finds himself relaxing a little, and manages to look up at him again.

"...are you sure?"

Hajime smiles, warm and honest.

"Positive. It's different, and we should treat it that way."

Tooru's hands curl into fists. "But... what about Kei-chan and Kou-chan...? I can't just... we can't just ask them to... to not use that name...?"

Hajime starts tracing circles over Tooru's shoulders with the tips of his fingers.

"Why not?"

Tooru pulls back abruptly, blinking at him. "Why not? Because that's- it's a _name_ , Iwa-chan, I don't own it, and it's pathetic that I'm bothered by this so much-"

"It's not pathetic," Hajime interrupts, and his gaze sharpens. "Not at all. It's been bothering you, hurting you - it's important. And Keiji and Bo, they'll understand."

He considers for a moment, before adding: "...they'll probably be relieved, if anything. Knowing Bo, he's probably spiralling into despair right now because he's afraid you don't like him anymore."

His voice is endearing and soft, but the words fill Tooru with dread.

"God, Iwa-chan- I need to tell them, right now."

Hajime nods. "That's probably a good idea."

He presses another kiss to Tooru's temple before getting to his feet, and pulling Tooru up just like Keiji did with Kou earlier. "C'mon. Let's not... keep them worrying."

Tooru nods, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, and follows Hajime over to the door that's separating the four of them. He takes a deep breath before he knocks, hoping to steady himself - the most reassuring thing is Hajime's hand, though, which is wrapped tightly around his own.

"Keiji? Kou?"

There's a bit of shuffling on the other side, then Koutarou's voice calls, small and uncertain: "...Tooru?"

"Can- can we come in?" Tooru asks, hating how dread is pooling in his stomach.

"O-of course," comes the shaky answer, and Tooru feels it like a punch to his gut. He reaches for the handle and opens the door, squeezing Hajime's fingers as he does.

The room is dark, to Tooru's surprise, and the two figures sitting on one of the beds flinch back as light streams in from the living room. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust, but once they have, he can't stop the gasp that leaves his throat.

He'd been expecting something bad, but what he's seeing now is quite possibly worse.

Koutarou is curled up over himself, knees drawn up to his chest and face streaked with tears. He looks tiny, lost and alone, and the sight makes Tooru want to cry all over again.

Keiji sits on the other side of the bed, rigid, turned away from the light - but that can't hide that his face, too, is wet from tears.

Tooru has never seen Keiji cry before, and he wasn't prepared for how much it would _hurt_.

 _I did this_.

"Kei-chan," Tooru whispers, dropping Hajime's hand and taking a step closer. "...Keiji? Are you- ...c-can I-"

Koutarou is watching him with wide eyes, so full of hope, it feels like a stab to Tooru's chest. Keiji isn't responding, but his shoulders are starting to quiver a little.

"Keiji, Kou, I'm so sorry," Tooru whispers, standing in the middle of the room, unsure what to do with himself. _Fix this._

"I'll tell you everything. It feels so stupid now - please, let me explain, it's dumb and I'm sorry-"

Hajime has come into the room behind him, and he rests his hand on Tooru's arm.

"It's okay," he says. "They'll understand. I'm sure they will."

Kou leans forward a little, and his eyes are already filling with fresh tears. "...To?" he breathes, so quiet that Tooru barely hears him.

"It's- it's about... the name. _Iwa-chan_. I'm... God, this is so stupid, I can't-"

"...it's... it feels strange, to have the two of you call me that," Hajime says, helping where Tooru can't continue.

At this, Keiji's head turns, eyes locking on Hajime.

"...because, you know. It's... it's a name that has a lot of... history, between Tooru and me. Sure, it's just a name, but... Tooru didn't- doesn't like it when..."

"It kind of... it feels... wrong. I know that that's stupid, and I can't make you- I can't- I mean, you can call us whatever you want, just..."

Koutarou stares, and Tooru can see him slowly unclench.

"Th- that's it?" he asks quietly. "It... you want us to stop... saying ‘Iwa-chan’?"

Tooru can't look him in the eye. "Y- yeah, I guess. If- you know. I mean-"

And then everything shifts. There's a loud scraping sound of the bed against the floor as Kou launches himself out of it, practically running at Tooru and throwing himself into his arms - and he's drowning out everything else with a desperate wail, tears spilling from his eyes but he doesn't seem to care. His hands clench over the fabric of Tooru's shirt and he buries his face in the crook of his neck, gasping his name over and over, "Tooru, Tooru, Tooru" and "Oh, god," and "I was so _scared_."

Tooru staggers back, pulling Koutarou close as soon as he regains his balance and threading his fingers through his hair.

"I thought- I thought you were going to l-leave us," Kou whispers, and it's tiny and vulnerable, like Tooru has never heard him before. "I thought for sure we were gonna l-lose you."

The guilt is seeping through him like the relief he felt just moments earlier, and Tooru does the only thing he knows how to: he tightens his grip, pulls him closer, holds on, hoping that Kou can feel his heartbeat slamming against his ribcage.

"Never," he breathes, "never, Kou-chan, I love you. I love you."

He realizes that this is the first time he’s really said it to his face, but that doesn’t make it any less true. It just makes the feeling so much stronger, hearing his own voice admit the sentiment out loud.

Suddenly, there's a soft sob somewhere beside him, a hiccup of a breath - and then a gentle weight against his side. Tooru turns his head, and he realizes it's Keiji, who has been deathly silent, and who is now burrowing his face in Tooru's unoccupied shoulder. His fingers are twisting into Tooru's shirt as well, and his breath hitches in his throat. He can't see it, but Tooru is sure that he's crying.

"I love you," Keiji breathes, small and hurt. "Please, please don't leave."

It takes Tooru a moment to answer, because his words are getting stuck on their way out. He dislodges one arm from Koutarou and pulls Keiji closer, leaning to press a kiss to his hair.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. "Oh, Kei-chan, I'm so sorry. I'd never leave you. I'm not leaving, I couldn't. I love you, Kei-chan. You're stuck with me, with us. I love all of you."

He feels another pair of arms wrap around all three of them, and Hajime's reassuring warmth against his back - and suddenly, Tooru is crying again, too.

Hajime pulls them all together, and for the first time in what feels like _years_ , Tooru feels completely safe, relieved, happy and _loved_. And even if getting there was so, so difficult and he will regret hurting them for a very long time, he wouldn’t change a thing. He wouldn’t give this up for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Hmu on [tumblr](http://frenchibi.tumblr.com)! Talk to me! (I mean it! Yes, you!)


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